Letters to Santa
by Good boy-chan
Summary: It's Christmas in Konoha! Ninja apparently write to Santa. I may mess up on the timeline so bear with me please. Will update when possible. Rated T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So normally I write depressing songfics...well here's a humorous fic! It's 'specially for Christmas, and I'll be updating when I can, so...yah! And thanks to my reviewers for A New Hope. It made me happy because I got new readers! Yay! :D You guys make my morning/day/night all the better!**

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><p><strong>Letters to Santa<strong>

_December 14, 1999 (A/N I don't know the real dates so just bear with me here.)_

Dear Santa,

My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I am the youngest person of the head family in the pre…pres…prestigious Uchiha Clan. Daddy is the clan head. Mommy is his wife. I'm only writing this because Mommy told me to. Itachi, my onii-san, is so nice to me. But lately he's been kinda scary. So for Christmas I would like to be able to spend more time with my onii-san.

Sincerely,

Uchiha Sasuke (Apparently, the Hyuuga clan are shit. Or at least that's what Daddy says. What does that mean?)

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

It's me again! I hope you remember me. I've written to you for a while now. Guess what! I have a new friend! Her name is Yamanaka Ino. She's so cool and nice and popular too. Thanks for getting me my gift from last year, even if it is a little bit late. But...I also like someone. I haven't told Ino yet, so you should feel happy that I'm telling you first. His name is Uchiha Sasuke . He's really cool and quiet, but he's so cute! Not to mention he's the best of our class. So this year I would like Sasuke please.

Thanks Santa!

Haruno Sakura

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><p>Yo Santa,<p>

Hi! My name is Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo! This year I would like ramen for Christmas! Yup, that's about it! Dattebayo!

Bye!

Uzumaki Naruto, aka the future Hokage

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><p><strong>So whataya think? Cheesy? Awesome? In between? Review please! :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

_December 13, 2000_

Dear Santa,

It's Sasuke. And I'm not happy. I asked for more time with onii-san! Not for him to kill everyone while I was gone! He said I don't hate enough! I hate just fine! I hate you! A lot! You're a big meanie! I hate you! I'm gonna kill you! I wish you would just die!

Sasuke

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

I'm a little bit disa...diss...disappointed. You didn't get me Sasuke last Christmas! And now Ino-pig knows that I like him, so she stopped being friends with me! So can you try and get me Sasuke again? Please?

Haruno Sakura

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

Yay you got me ramen! I'd like it again please!

Kay bye!

Uzumaki Naruto

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

Meh, what a drag. I really don't wanna do this. But Mom told me to, and if I disobey her…you don't wanna know. So for Christmas I'd like a new shogi board. Dad nearly destroyed mine when I beat him yesterday.

Later.

Nara Shikamaru


	3. Chapter 3

**Heyo! I'm back! It's me again! The annoying authoress of awesomeness who likes alliterations (if you annoying assholes don't know what an awesome alliteration is, look it up)! So yah! Make sure you read my other stories/oneshots too! I like exclamation points! Finals are a load of shit!**

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><em>December 16, 2008<em>

Santa,

Let's skip the casualties and cut to the chase. I want the fangirls to stop. Following. Me. Kami, they are like a mob! All racing around, going, "Sasuke! Oh Sasuke!" Seriously, haven't these girls heard of privacy? Follow that Shikamaru kid, I say, but noooo, they just scream louder. Those girls Sakura and Ino have some sort of competition, like see who can "win my heart" or something. It's so annoying! I swear, one of these days I'm just gonna run away and never return. And turn emo.

Kill. Itachi. Again, that's another wish.

And the other thing, too. When I was little, you never did answer what "shit" meant. Well now I know, you stupid, fat elf! I know cuz I stepped in dog shit and that dog freak Kiba just laughed! I bet it was that dog's fault…he carries a stupid puppy to class every day. I swear, he is as lazy as Shikamaru and as dumb as that dobe Naruto. I mean seriously. C'mon, life, give me a break!

You suck.

Sasuke

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

I don't really have much to say. I'm doing this mostly to please my mom now. So what I would like is…wait for it…a new dress! No actually, Sasuke-kun! He is so cool…if only Ino-pig didn't get in the way every time, he could be mine, all mine!

And also, can you get that baka Naruto to stop flirting with me? That would be greatly appreciated.

Sakura

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

Wow, I swear, you are the best guy ever! I had no idea so much ramen could fit in my stocking last Christmas! So, of course, I'm gonna ask you for ramen again. Cuz, seriously, can _you_ live without ramen? I don't think so.

But I'd also like for Iruka-sensei to spend more time with me. He's this really nice teacher at the Academy, and even though I've flunked a lot of times and he's a slight pervert, he's really kind to me and actually listens to what I say instead of calling me baka and whacking me on the head like a Whack-a-Mole, like Sakura does. Not to mention he's a chunnin, which means that he's super strong!

Thanks Santa! You rock!

Naruto

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

Blood.

Gaara of the Sand

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><p><strong>If you haven't noticed, every new "chapter" is gonna have another person also writing to Santa. Last "chapter" it was Shikamaru. This "chapter" it's Gaara cuz I'm too lazy to think of anything else to write.<strong>

**So...comments? PM me or review! **

**Sasuke. Lacks. Hatred.**

**Later.**

**Good boy-chan out, peace!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everybody.**

**This is going to be the last "chapter" of Letters to Santa. Why, you ask? My answer: I've grown bored of this. I have next-to-no ideas for this, while ideas for my Tobi story are screaming at me inside my head. If anyone wants to take this up as a fun side project, message me. If no one does, then I'll assume that this is as boring as I see it, and will mark it as complete. If someone messages me WITHIN A WEEK OF MY POSTING THIS "CHAPTER", then I will mark it as "To be completed by Insert penname here".**

**I do not own Naruto. I own a Konoha hitai-ate and Deidara's Akatsuki ring as a necklace, though.**

**Happy Holidays!**

**If you have read the entirety of this author's note, I applaud you.**

**Note: this is after Team 7 has been created and they go through the Zabuza arc and the Chunnin Exams arc, and before those random filler arcs that I detest. I'm not even gonna bother to put the date here.**

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

This is the final—FINAL—time that I shall write to you. Here's why: I have finally seen how childish and stupid this is. I have also seen that Konoha is holding me back from my true power. It seems like they do not want me to kill Itachi. Well that's fine, because I've decided to sever all bonds with them, especially those with Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi.

I, quite frankly, count you as a bond. So once I complete training with Lord Orochimaru, then I will come to the North Pole to kill you. Yes, you have read correctly. There is no need to polish your glasses or call a clear-eyed elf to reread this. I will kill you.

For I am an Uchiha, and that means two things. One: I am an avenger. Two: I do not forgive you for not telling me what "shit" was as a child, and for not killing Itachi (even though I've told you multiple times).

Uchiha Sasuke

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

I'm done with this. You have not seen fit to comply with any of my wishes—ANY of them. So I am dropping this. I'm telling my mom to stop making me write letters to Santa because I AM a kunoichi, for Kami's sake.

But...I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask one more time.

I would like Sasuke please.

Haruno Sakura

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

I swear, you are the nicest guy ever! I'm sorry for not writing for a while...I kinda (finally) graduated from the Academy and got my own team. Then we went on a crapload of missions, took the Chunnin Exams (and only Shikamaru passed because the Sound and Sand Village attacked and Old Man Hokage died), and went on a crapload of other missions that seemed kinda unnecessary.

But you gave me what I wanted. You gave me a family. You gave me Kakashi, who's kinda like a dad to me. You gave me Sakura and Sasuke, who are my best friends. You gave me Iruka-sensei, Teuchi and Ayame from Ichiraku, Konohamaru, Old Man Hokage before he died, and Grandma Tsunade, the new Hokage. Not the mention countless other shinobi who finally see me as a somebody, ever since I took on Gaara.

I finally have a family.

This makes me so exceedingly happy that I don't know what to ask for. So I'll stick with my staple choice.

Ramen, please!

Uzumaki Naruto

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><p><strong>~Two years after the last batch of letters~<strong>

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

I feel like a dumbass. What the hell was I thinking, asking for ramen? Sasuke left Konoha on the next day! Sakura was crying really hard, and the retrieval mission failed.

But I'm ok now. It's been two years. I've been training with Ero—wait, I mean Jiraiya-sensei in order to get Sasuke back and to protect myself from this evil organization called the Akatsuki. They're trying to extract tailed beasts from the jinchuriki for some odd reason. And I'm a jinchuriki. But I'll be fine! Datteboyo!

I will get Sasuke back. He is my best friend and is like my brother. Plus the new guy, Sai, really gives me the creeps. He does nothing but give everyone an empty smile all day. Creepy.

Uzumaki Naruto


	5. Chapter 5

**PSYCHE! That's right, I'm back with another batch of letters! I decided to just update this "story" whenever I feel like it. That probably won't be for a while though...yeah, my muse is that inconsistent. Enjoy!**

**I do not own Naruto.**

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

I...I can't believe it. All this time, Itachi was actually protecting me?

...How the fuck does that work? Onii-san was protecting me? Wha...what...what is this? And all that time...I hated him...

I don't even get it, and then there's this weird Tobi guy...but that's not the point. The point is that now I must destroy Konoha. For ordering Itachi to kill the clan. Even though he was protecting Konoha.

It makes sense in my mind, okay?

Crap, someone's coming. If it's Karin, she'll squeal and glomp me. Honestly, she's like a bad version of Sakura. If it's Suigetsu, he'll tease me nonstop. Jugo wouldn't care.

Uchiha Sasuke

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

First of all, don't ask why I'm writing again. It's just that Naruto was bugging me to write to you this year. It doesn't matter how many times I told him that you don't exist, he just kept shoving a scroll and a brush into my hands. He tried giving me an inkwell too, but that splattered all over me, and I kinda gave him a minor concussion for it. Don't worry, I healed him—wait, why would you be worrying? You're not real!

Haruno Sakura

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

That's right, it's me again dattebayo! Did ya miss me? Haha, of course you did. Who else would eat all the leftover ramen in your cupboard? Only Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja, that's who!

Well, what I would like for this year would be for a new super powerful jutsu! It'd be so powerful and awesome that no one could beat me! Not even Kakashi-sensei! Or Sasuke-teme!

Which reminds me...BRING BACK TEME THIS YEAR.

Uzumaki Naruto

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><p>Dear Santa,<p>

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Dickless somehow managed to convince me to write. I don't know if you're real or not, but let me tell you something. If you somehow get in Danzo's way, I will kill you.

Sai

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><p><strong>Review please! And please don't bash on Karin; I actually like her.<strong>

**Sasuke. Lacks. Hatred.**

**Later. :D**


End file.
